I'd just like to interject for a moment. What you're referring to as Linux, is in fact, GNU/Linux, or as I've recently taken to calling it, GNU plus Linux. Linux is not an operating system unto itself, but rather another free component of a fully functioning GNU system made useful by the GNU corelibs, shell utilities and vital system components comprising a full OS as defined by POSIX. Many computer users run a modified version of the GNU system every day, without realizing it. Through a peculiar turn of events, the version of GNU which is widely used today is often called "Linux", and many of its users are not aware that it is basically the GNU system, developed by the GNU Project. There really is a Linux, and these people are using it, but it is just a part of the system they use. Linux is the kernel: the program in the system that allocates the machine's resources to the other programs that you run. The kernel is an essential part of an operating system, but useless by itself; it can only function in the context of a complete operating system. Linux is normally used in combination with the GNU operating system: the whole system is basically GNU with Linux added, or GNU/Linux. All the so-called "Linux" distributions are really distributions of GNU/Linux. --- What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo --- What the darn-diddily-doodily did you just say about me, you little witcharooney? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class at Springfield Bible College, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret mission trips in Capital City, and I have over 300 confirmed baptisms. I am trained in the Old Testament and I’m the top converter in the entire church mission group. You are nothing to me but just another heathen. I will cast your sins out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in Heaven, mark my diddily-iddilly words. You think you can get away with saying that blasphemy to me over the Internet? Think again, friendarino. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of evangelists across Springfield and your IP is being traced by God right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggorino. The storm that wipes out the diddily little thing you call your life of sin. You’re going to Church, kiddily-widdily. Jesus can be anywhere, anytime, and he can turn you to the Gospel in over infinity ways, and that’s just with his bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in preaching to nonbelievers, but I have access to the entire dang- diddily Bible collection of the Springfield Bible College and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your sins away off the face of the continent, you diddily-doo satan-worshipper. If only you could have known what holy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you from the Heavens, maybe you would have held your darn-diddily-fundgearoo tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re clean of all your sins, you widdillo-skiddily neighborino. I will sing hymns of praise all over you and you will drown in the love of Christ. You’re farn-foodily- flank-fiddily reborn, kiddo-diddily. --- Okay, so you expect me to believe that you were the very best that your generation of Navy SEALs had to offer? I highly doubt that. If you were as good as you say you were, i don't think for a second that you would be browsing reddit. This is mostly a place for jobless neckbeards that still live with their parents, and nerdy high school kids that don't have any friends. It really isn't the place for highly-trained assassins to be hanging out in their spare time. Even if it was, something far worse than a troll being mean to you probably would have set you off a long time ago. What about the slew of gore and child pornography that gets posted here on a regular basis? Isn't that something that deserves a person being hunted down and made to regret their actions? Yeah, you're just not the reddit type. Sure, there's a wide variety of people that browse here, but you're far from the core demographic if you are who you say you are (which isn't the case). Even if it were true that you're an incredibly talented soldier, I think all the military discipline would prevent you from getting mad enough to murder some random idiot on the internet. I also doubt that even the best SEALs have a "secret network of spies across the USA". Why would all of the most expanisive Big Brother network in the world be willing to help a troubled PTSD-sufferer hunt down some random kid on the internet? That doesn't even make sense. If you're gonna try to scare somebody, make it more believable than "IM A SUPER SOLDIER HURR DURR". You might frighten a thirteen year old who doesn't know any better, but to must of us you just look like a kid with an anger problem and a very active imagination. Hopefully things will be easier for you when your puberty's over. Best of luck with that... kiddo --- Here's the thing. You said a "wyvern is a dragon." Is it in the same family? Yes. No one's arguing that. As someone who is a 1k MMR feeder who studies dragons, I am telling you, specifically, in dota, no one calls wyverns dragons. If you want to be "specific" like you said, then you shouldn't either. They're not the same thing. If you're saying "dragon family" you're referring to the taxonomic grouping of Varanidae, which includes things from wyverns to eldwurms to drakes. So your reasoning for calling a wyvern a dragon is because random people "call the flying lizards dragons?" Let's get gyarados and charizards in there, then, too. Also, calling someone a noob or a feeder? It's not one or the other, that's not how taxonomy works. They're both. A wyvern is a wyvern and a member of the dragon family. But that's not what you said. You said a wyvern is a dragon, which is not true unless you're okay with calling all members of the dragon family dragons, which means you'd call eldwurms, drakes, and other flying lizards dragons, too. Which you said you don't. It's okay to just admit you're wrong, you know? --- forgive english, i am Russia. i come to study clothing and fashion at American university. i am here little time and i am very hard stress. i am gay also and this very difficult for me, i am very religion person. i never act to be gay with other men before. but after i am in america 6 weeks i am my friend together he is gay also. He was show me American fashion and then we are kiss. We sex together. I never before now am tell my mother about gay because i am very shame. As i fock this American boy it is very good to me but also i am feel so guilty. I feel extreme guilty as I begin orgasm. I feel so guilty that I pick up my telephone and call Mother in Russia. I awaken her. It too late for stopping so I am cumming sex. I am very upset and guilty and crying, so I yell her, "I AM CUM FROM SEX" (in Russia). She say what? I say "I AM CUM FROM SEX" and she say you boy, do not marry American girl, and I say "NO I AM CUM FROM SEX WITH MAN, I AM IN ASS, I CUM IN ASS" and my mother very angry me. She not get scared though. I hang up phone and am very embarrass. My friend also he is very embarrass. I am guilt and feel very stupid. I wonder, why do I gay with man? But I continue because when it spurt it feel very good in American ass. --- I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I’m fucking retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “Apache” and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can’t accept me you’re a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding. --- I'm not answering the question, but I need help. I've looked this up on several occasions and I still can't quite figure out what copypasta is. As near as I can tell, story-length memes? Is it just some elite-level inside joke that TL;DR people will never get? I just don't get it. I mean, do people laugh about these? --- I rejected a CV from a candidate twice. He applied for the third time, and I called him for an interview. And guess what? We offered him a role right after the interview. Now, a year later, he has become the Team Leader and is performing excellently. The lesson I learned from this: do not always judge a person solely based on their CV. Sometimes, they are more than that one-page profile. Give a chance to candidates; they have energy and ideas more than you can think of. --- FUTA is the Federal Unemployment Tax Act, a legislation involving economics. Look up "FUTA inflation" for more information. --- My wife has a cardboard cutout of Henry Cavill from one of the Superman movies propped up in the corner of our bedroom. She's hot glued a dildo to whereabouts his penis would be, and it's a hefty dong that certainly puts some stress on the cardboard, and every night before bed, she'll gag on Henry's hubby club until she's begging me to pull her off for her own good because for some reason she thinks that sucking this faux cock is not cheating, but if she where to stand up, bend over, and, ya know, let Henry slide in and make another box office smash, then that would be cheating. Luckily, I work out almost as much as the real Henry does, so I'm able to wrestler her strong mouth away from the cutout and get her into bed where she can calm down. The whole nightly ordeal goes on for about 30 or so minutes, but she sleeps like a baby afterwards, so I can't complain too much. --- I stumbled onto this subreddit looking for tips on running a basic Plex server, and holy shit, you people are insane. Instead of finding normal humans, I find complete psychos debating ZFS configurations like they're discussing fine wine. "Ah yes, this RAIDZ2 has subtle notes of data integrity.” You are all a bunch of sick vitamin D deficient freaks. I actually work with and manage multiple Kubernetes, mission critical infrastructure that actually matters. I spend my entire day working with containerised applications, and what do I find when I load up Reddit? Ansible playbook writing maniacs trying to automate their light switches. You are all a bunch of sick freaks who probably dream in YAML and wake up in cold sweats wondering if you forgot to enable that cron job The worst part is how you enable each other. "Hey guys, just finished my basic home automation setup", and then you post a system diagram that looks like the blueprint for a nuclear reactor. Fourteen Docker containers just to manage a suite of 'internet of things connected shitware. You celebrate each others descent into madness with vomit inducing comments like "Nice setup! Have you considered adding Prometheus monitoring?" You are all a bunch of sick freaks, you make me ill. And the money you guys must spaff away... you've somehow convinced yourself that spending thousands on enterprise server equipment from 2012 is justified as it was originally 10x the cost. And then you refer to it as “your little setup". "Oh this? Just my Dual mirrored RAID 10 arrays with triple redundant UPS and backup diesel generator that kicks in if the power flickrs for more than 3 milliseconds. You know, for my Linux ISO collection" Meanwhile your electricity meter spins so fast it could probably generate its own electricity. You are all a bunch of sick freaks, and you need help. I take solace in imagining what your home lives are like, I laugh as I imagine your families, having to sit through dinner listening to you explain why running Pi-hole with Unbound is superior to forwarding to Cloudflare. I bet your kids start crying when you mention DNS-over-HTTPS. Your wife just stares at you now, especially since you've replaced all your family photos with Grafana dashboards. I imagine you boiling over when when the women you made vows to asks "why can’t we just go back to using iCloud" when your precious self-hosted photo library goes down during your third Photoprism upgrade this week. They completely ignore your ‘impressive’ (97% lol) uptime statistics and offsite backups. You are all a bunch of sick freaks, and your loved ones are losing hope. No, you don't need Kubernetes or 10gig network switches or 7u rack. You don't need any of these increasingly abstract layers of complexity that exist only to solve the problems created by your previous solutions. Your simple file server didn't need containers, those containers didn't need orchestration, that orchestration didn't need a service mesh, Yet here you are, staring at 10,000 lines of YAML, wondering if maybe just one more helm chart would finally make it all perfect. But I know you'll keep adding more, because you're all just a bunch of sick freaks. --- Ok, hear me out. So it's about this guy named Rick. He's a scientist that turns himself into a pickle. Funniest thing I've seen. In the episode Rick's grandson Morty flips over a talking pickle... And its Rick! It's the funniest thing. --- The thing I really like about Planes is that we learn that WWII happened in the Cars universe. Which means there was a Cars Hitler, a Cars holocaust, a Cars Pacific War, a Cars D-Day, a Cars nuking of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, a Cars Rape of Nanking, a Cars Battle of Iwo Jima... This leads to so many important questions, like: were the Cars Little Boy and Fat Man nukes sentient? Was it a suicide mission? Are ALL Cars nuclear weapons sentient? Did Tsar Bomba have a personality? What kind of car was Car Hitler? A VW? A forklift? Was there a Cars 9/11? Were the planes hijacked, or were the planes themselves radicalized? --- You wrote that yourself? wow congrats dude, really, that's very cool. i just told everyone in my family about it, everybody thinks that's very impressive and asked me to congratulate you. they want to speak to you in person, if possible, to give you their regards. they also said they will tell our distant relatives in christmas supper and in NYE they will ignite fireworks that spell your name. i also told about this enormous deed to closer relatives, they had the same reaction. they asked for your address so they can send congratulatory cards and messages. my friends didn't believe me when i told them i knew the author of this gigantic feat, really, they were dumbstruck, they said they will make your name echo through years and years to come. when my neighbour found out about what you did, he was completely dumbstruck too, he wanted to know who you are and he asked (if you have the time, of course) if you could stop by to receive gifts, congratulations and handshakes. with the spreading of the news, a powerful businessman of the area decided to hire you as the CEO of his company because of this tremendous feat and at the same time an important international shareholder wants to sponsor you to give speeches and teach everybody how to do as you did so the world becomes a better place. you have become famous not only here but also everywhere, everybody knows who you are. the news spread really fast and mayors of all cities are setting up porticos, ballons, colossal boom speakers, anything that can make your name stand out more and see which city can congratulate you the hardest for this magnificent feat. --- Im sorry to say but You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. I wager you couldn't empty a boot of excrement were the instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you. Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly. You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs. You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. And what meaning do you expect your delusional self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have to us who think and reason? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake? You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile one-handed slack-jawed , drooling meatslapper. You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill. You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away. I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half-baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you. You're an idiot. A moron of the highest order. You're so stupid it's a wonder and a pity you can remember to breath. Intelligent ideas bounce off your head as if it were coated with teflon. Creative thoughts take alternate transportation in order to avoid even being in the same state as you. If you had an original thought it would die of loneliness before the hour was out. On an intelligence scale of 1 to 10 (10 corresponding to the highest attainable IQ) you're rating is so far into negative numbers that one would need to travel into another quantum reality in order to even catch a distant glimpse of it. Your personality is that of a rabid Chihuahua intent on destroying its own tail. Your powers of observation are akin to those of the bird that keeps slamming into the picture window trying to get that other bird it keeps seeing. You are walking, talking proof that you don't have to be sentient to survive, and that Barnum was thinking of you when he uttered his immortal phrase regarding the birth of a sucker. You are, at varying times, tedious, boring, and even occasionally earth shatteringly hilarious in your idiocy, routinely childish, moronic, pathetic, wretched, disgusting and pitiful. You are wholly without any redeeming social grace or value. If God ever decides to give the planet an enema you'd better run like the wind because anywhere you stand is a suitable place for The Insertion. There is no animal so disgusting, so vile that it deserves comparison to you, for even the lowest, dirtiest, most parasitic member of the animal kingdom fills an ecological niche. You fill no niche. To call you a parasite would be injurious and defamatory to the thousands of honest parasitic species. You are worse than vermin, for vermin do not pretend to be what it is not. You are truly human garbage. You are a fraudulent, lying, predatory charlatan. You are of less worth than a burnt-out light bulb. You will forever live in shame. You have nothing to say, and Godwin's Law does not apply when writing about you. You are the anti-Midas, for all that you touch becomes valueless and unusable. Mothers gather their children close when you appear. You are an aberration, a corruption, and a boil that needs to be lanced. You are a poison in need of being vomited. You are a tooth so rotten it infects the whole body. You are sperm that should have been captured in a condom and flushed down a toilet. I don't like you. I don't like anybody who has as little respect for others as you do. Go away, you swine. You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, and a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon. You are a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. Meaningful to no one, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts that sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done. I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I wretch at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, and the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell? Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. You are a waste of flesh. On a good day you're a halfwit. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go. You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away. I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, study, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you. You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libellous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dystrophic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, abrasive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, and socially-retarded. Shut up and go away lest you achieve the physical retribution your behaviour merits. Thank you for your kind attention to and expected cooperation in this matter. --- The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start. --- Dude, I'm gonna type as sober as possible, that honestly looks fucking pathetic and disgusting compared to my meal. And I'm being one hundred percent serious. Sorry we don't cook shit that was previously in cans. Don't ever post your fucking families poverty dinner on these forums ever the fuck again bro, and by bro I mean never my bro, fucking nerd. You're a fucking joke dude, and I'm dead fucking serious. Get a real family that cooks good food, drinks beer and wine and winecoolers and has a good fucking time, and has a millionaire house on the beach. I'm serious. --- Does evil exist? The university professor challenged his students with this question. Did God create everything that exists? A student bravely replied, "Yes, he did!" "God created everything? The professor asked. "Yes sir", the student replied. The professor answered, "If God created everything, then God created evil since evil exists, and according to the principal that our works define who we are then God is evil". The student became quiet before such an answer. The professor was quite pleased with himself and boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth. Another student raised his hand and said, "Can I ask you a question professor?" "Of course", replied the professor. The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?" "What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?" The students snickered at the young man's question. The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-460 degrees F) is the total absence of heat; all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat." The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?" The professor responded, "Of course it does." The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present." Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?" Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course as I have already said. We see it every day. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil." To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is not like faith, or love that exist just as does light and heat. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light." The professor sat down. The young man's name -- Albert Einstein. --- OCEAN MAN 🌊 😍 Take me by the hand ✋ lead me to the land that you understand 🙌 🌊 OCEAN MAN 🌊 😍 The voyage 🚲 to the corner of the 🌎 globe is a real trip 👌 🌊 OCEAN MAN 🌊 😍 The crust of a tan man 👳 imbibed by the sand 👍 Soaking up the 💦 thirst of the land 💯 --- According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. http://www.script-o-rama.com/movie_scripts/a1/bee-movie-script-transcript-seinfeld.html --- Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knigts had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. http://www.script-o-rama.com/movie_scripts/s/shrek-script-transcript-mike-myers.html --- Ah you think darkness is your ally? You merely adopted the dark. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn't see the light until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but blinding! https://archive.org/stream/TheDarkKnightRisesScriptByJonathanNolanAndChristopherNolan/The+Dark+Knight+Rises+Script+by+Jonathan+Nolan+and+Christopher+Nolan_djvu.txt https://imsdb.com/scripts/Dark-Knight-Rises,-The.html --- I'm Rick Harrison, and this is my pawn shop. I work here with my old man and my son, Big Hoss. Everything in here has a story and a price. One thing I've learned after 21 years – you never know WHAT is gonna come through that door. --- I saw Flying Lotus at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying. The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly. --- I'll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda. --- If you or a loved one was diagnosed with Mesothelioma you may be entitled to financial compensation. Mesothelioma is a rare cancer linked to asbestos exposure. Exposure to asbestos in the Navy, shipyards, mills, heating, construction or the automotive industries may put you at risk. Please don't wait, call 1-800-99 LAW USA today for a free legal consultation and financial information packet. Mesothelioma patients call now! 1-800-99 LAW USA --- Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise? I thought not. It's not a story the Jedi would tell you. It's a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life… He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying. The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. Ironic. He could save others from death, but not himself. --- The missile knows where it is at all times. It knows this because it knows where it isn't. By subtracting where it is from where it isn't, or where it isn't from where it is (whichever is greater), it obtains a difference, or deviation. The guidance subsystem uses deviations to generate corrective commands to drive the missile from a position where it is to a position where it isn't, and arriving at a position where it wasn't, it now is. Consequently, the position where it is, is now the position that it wasn't, and it follows that the position that it was, is now the position that it isn't. In the event that the position that it is in is not the position that it wasn't, the system has acquired a variation, the variation being the difference between where the missile is, and where it wasn't. If variation is considered to be a significant factor, it too may be corrected by the GEA. However, the missile must also know where it was. The missile guidance computer scenario works as follows. Because a variation has modified some of the information the missile has obtained, it is not sure just where it is. However, it is sure where it isn't, within reason, and it knows where it was. It now subtracts where it should be from where it wasn't, or vice-versa, and by differentiating this from the algebraic sum of where it shouldn't be, and where it was, it is able to obtain the deviation and its variation, which is called error. --- When you were partying, I studied the blade. When you were having premarital sex, I mastered the blockchain. While you wasted your days at the gym in pursuit of vanity, I cultivated inner strength. And now that the world is on fire and the barbarians are at the gate you have the audacity to come to me for help. --- To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Rick and Morty. The humour is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics most of the jokes will go over a typical viewer's head. There's also Rick's nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation- his personal philosophy draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realise that they're not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Rick & Morty truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in Rick's existential catchphrase "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev's Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Dan Harmon's genius wit unfolds itself on their television screens. What fools.. how I pity them. And yes, by the way, i DO have a Rick & Morty tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the ladies' eyes only- and even then they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand. Nothin personnel kid --- Australia is not real. It's a hoax, made for us to believe that Britain moved over their criminals to someplace. In reality, all these criminals were loaded off the ships into the waters, drowning before they could see land ever again. It's a coverup for one of the greatest mass murders in history, made by one of the most prominent empires. Australia does not exist. All things you call "proof" are actually well-fabricated lies and documents made by the leading governments of the world. Your Australian friends? They're all actors and computer-generated personas, part of the plot to trick the world.If you think you've ever been to Australia, you're terribly wrong. The plane pilots are all in on this, and have in all actuality only flown you to islands close nearby – or in some cases, parts of South America, where they have cleared space and hired actors to act out as real Australians. Australia is one of the biggest hoaxes ever created, and you have all been tricked. Join the movement today, and make it known that they have been deceived. Make it known, that this has all just been a cover-up. The things these "Australian" says to be doing, all these swear words and actions based on alcoholism, MDMA and bad decisions, are all ways to distract you from the ugly truth that is one of the greatest genocides in history. 162,000 people were said to have been transported to this imaginary land during a mere 80 years, and they are all long dead by now. They never reached that promised land. Tell the truth. Stand up for what is right. Make sure to spread the world – Australia is not real. It's a codeword for the cold-blooded murder of more than a hundred thousand people, and it is not okay. We will not accept this.Stand up for the ones who died. Let it be known, that Australia does not exist. --- Yeah Sex Is Cool But ... Cracking Open a Cold One With the Boys ... I'm Something of a Scientist Myself ... My Disappointment Is Immeasurable And My Day Is Ruined ... Do You Think God Stays in Heaven Because He too Lives in Fear of What He's Created --- My family poops big. Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won't flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you. Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out "hey, can you get me the poop knife"? I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife. Fast forward to 22. It's been a day or two between poops and I'm over at my friend's house. My friend was the local dealer and always had 'guests' over, because you can't buy weed without sitting on your ass and sampling it for an hour. I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. I look down and see that it's a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife. "My what?" Your poop knife, I say. I need to use it. Please. "Wtf is a poop knife?" Obviously he has one, but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. A fecal cleaver? A Dung divider? A guano glaive? I explain what it is I want and why I want it. He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my fucked up family with their fucked up bowels. FML. I told this to my wife last night, who was amused and horrified at the same time. It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife. Thankfully she didn't cook with it, but used it to open Amazon boxes. She will be getting her own utility knife now. [Edit: Common question - Why was this not in the bathroom instead of the laundry room? Answer. We only had one poop knife, and the laundry room was central to all three bathrooms. I have no idea why we didn't have three poop knives. All I know is that we didn't. We had the one. Possibly because my father was notoriously cheap about the weirdest things. So yes, we shared our poop knife.] --- now listen to me young man, i am talking directly into your ear now. i need you to do me a favor. you will do this for me. i need you to go to gamestop, and i need you to ask the bastard working the counter if they have bambi on the ps2. if you come back empty handed youll be in big trouble mister. you will never see the light of day. --- Due to extensive research done by the University of Pittsburgh, diamond has been confirmed as the hardest metal known to man. The research is as follows: Pocket-protected scientists built a wall made of iron and crashed a diamond car into it at 400 miles per hour, and the car was unharmed. They then built a wall out of diamond and crashed a car made of iron moving at 400 miles an hour into the wall, and the wall came out fine. They then crashed a diamond car made of 400 miles per hour into a wall, and there were no survivors. They crashed 400 miles per hour into a diamond travelling at iron car. Western New York was powerless for hours. They rammed a wall made of metal into 400 miles an hour made of diamond, and the resulting explosion shifted earths orbit 400 million miles away from the sun, saving the earth from a meteor the size of a small Washington suburb that was hurtling towards mid-western Prussia at 400 billion miles an hour. They shot a diamond made of iron at a car moving at 400 walls per hour, and as a result caused over 10000 wayward planes to lose track of their bearings, and make a fatal crash with over 10000 buildings in downtown New York. They spun 400 miles at diamond into iron per wall. The results were inconclusive. Finally, they placed 400 diamonds per hour in front of a car made of wall travelling at miles per iron, and the result proved with out a doubt that diamonds were the hardest metal of all time, if not just the hardest metal known to man. --- The problem is you're focusing on the things in life that don't really matter. When I was a kid I had hopes and dreams. We all did. But over time, the daily grind gets in the way and you miss the things that really matter, even though they are right in front of you, staring you in the face. I think the next time you should ask yourself "Am I on the right track here?". I don't mean to be rude but people like you I really pity. So maybe you could use the few brain cells you have and take advantage of the knowledge I have given you now. Good luck. --- My relationship to academic writing is a tumultuous one. I don’t even know where to begin, let alone how to officially start. For me, I don’t utilize rough drafts and my thoughts come out in a disorganized fashion. It’s difficult to find coherency with my inner dialogue when I’m working on articulating what I need—or more importantly, want— to say. I am lead to believe that my writing style is an idiosyncratic one—one that does not bode well in a formal context or assignment; whatever that is—or most realizing, the one I’m relegated to demonstrating here. There are challenges because I never quite learnt the ‘proper’ way to go about deciphering texts and investigate into the depths of the literal English language. There are many things that I need to work on; however, I am also blind sighted because I don’t know where to point and seek advice on. Perhaps my stream of consciousness as I present here will foretell those who possess more mastery of such discipline who can not only identify, but guide, lead, and enlighten me in my aware but limited ways. With such disclaimer said, the most challenging part of all-things academic writing and reading related can be the organized, logical, coherent fashion that language is structured. As a contrasting example, I had a short-lived stint in taking a foreign language in college preparatory school—Latin—where I vividly remember that the word order differed entirely from English. It offered more flexibility. Contrary to this, English from my understanding requires meticulous syntax; subject must come first, before the verb, then the object. Both languages, nonetheless, require exquisite detail and adherence to their respective grammar and proper conjugation. However, what bothered me the most is that English as a whole, is the stringent necessity of having strict syntax; it is very rule-oriented and for someone that is naturally disorganized; rules and organization for writing puts added pressure onto me as a writer. Sometimes I ask, “Am I following the rules? “ Another challenge to writing/reading of the academe is the necessity to quickly identify the thesis –the point—of whatever text is assigned to me. I am a person of wanderlust, yet only that lust is not travel but in my imagination. Focus is something that I woefully lack in academic reading. I have many more questions that arise, and in turn, obfuscate my understanding of the topic at hand. I begin to deviate my focus from the subject/assignment and delve into variant topics. I am a thinker of limited capacity to response thoughtfully to what I’m reading. To reference Anne Lamott’s The Crummy First Draft is a pain and nuisance, if I let alone remember to do so. I often time feel I must deliberately pick superficial passages to find a sentence or two as “examples” to “support my statement.” Perhaps as Ms. Lamott says, “Almost all good writing begins with terrible first efforts.” proves that my ‘first effort’ here is just that—terrible. I suppose I don’t have any direct knowhow of explaining things coherently, in an organized fashion, so perhaps my style has in attempts to pursue this writing Sample for Niteo Writing Seminar of the Fall 2015 semester resulted in satire about my inadequacies in commanding the English language. I hope to determine if my writing here can salvaged, let alone learn if it’s worth being salvaged. Perhaps my efforts can be revitalized and reinvigorated into something more tangible and practical that is acceptable for the academe. Perhaps I’ll be able to do this by the end of the class, or at least provide as a foundation and steppingstone to some pathway towards there. Perhaps not. What I do know is that I have a long ways to go in my writing from the point of leaving “prep school” and my academic writing/reading today. --- Everyone believes Ant-Man could kill Thanos by shrinking, going up his asshole, and expanding. I thought about this, and I can’t think of a worse death.. for Ant-man. Thanos is pretty tough, like can take some punches from the Hulk kind-of-tough, well his butthole and insides have to be hulk-level strong too. The way I see it happening is Ant-man crawling up his butt, expanding and then whatever I can describe as the chunky human soup that would come flying out of Thanos’ ass from Ant-man trying to expand into something that just won’t budge. --- Every person who is acquainted with the Marvel Comics™ characters have the belief that Scott Lang, the "Ant-Man", could lead to the mad titan and ultra powerful being known as "Thanos" to implode and thus cease to maintain life by contracting to a micro size, ascending into the titan's external opening of the rectum, and retracting until he becomes of formidable size or larger. I, a fellow individual belonging to the species homo sapiens, have pondered over this exact scientific hypothesis, and, using inductive reasoning, have concluded that there cannot exist a possibility of a worse way for the hero Ant Man to cease to live. Thanos, given his unparalleled prowess, is strong enough to withstand such petty adverse conditions. This fact can be proved by examining the following evidence: Bruce Banner, who transforms into the Hulk, has displayed feats of miraculous strength, and even he was not powerful enough to harm the mad titan with his barrage of blows. Given this premise it is not hard to assume that Thanos' own anus and other internal organs are just as durable and capable of withstanding the aforementioned barrage of blows dealt by Dr. Bruce Banner. In this precise way that I happen to scrutinize the issue, if Scott Lang, known as Ant-man, was to be crawling up Thano's rectum abyss, expanding as according to the aforementioned hypothesis, the supposed (for a lack of a better metaphor) chunky “human soup” that resembles feces would be ejected at speeds that would be akin to the idea of "flying" out of Thanos’ rectum area because the Ant-man would be trying to expand into a forbidden and strengthened area that is impossible to be affected with his own power. --- Have any of you guys ever watched Jeopardy, when they have the tournaments with the little kids? They're like 10-12 or some shit. Well, you know how all the non-age-specific questions (so not stuff like children's books/television) are so easy it's laughable? You know how there's not even a point in watching it because it's just boring? The entire world is like that for me. I've never been officially IQ tested since I was a little kid, but that doesn't matter. I taught myself how to read when I was 18 months old, taught myself how to solve a Rubik's Cube when I was 5 or 6, and surpassed a college reading level by third grade. "Gifted" was thrown around a lot by my teachers. My mother once tested at IQ 160, and I am far above her. In my senior year, I took on my entire Genetics class in a Jeopardy-style tournament (9 buzzers against 1) and demolished them. I could continue to blather on about the myriad of ways I've proven myself to be of remarkably high intelligence, but there isn't any point. The point is that the world just bores me. I routinely find myself encountering people who have problems, and it just amazes me how these ordinary people can be so unbelievably stupid. These people in my family, at my job, or wherever. I really feel like I'm working with small children, here. What do you MEAN you can't solve this minor engineering/craftsmanship/organization problem? I could have solved this when I was in kindergarten! How can you drive a car and pay your taxes and prepare food and other such tasks while being so ridiculously stupid?! Shouldn't your mind have collapsed in on itself because there is nothing in there? I just don't get it. The universe isn't filled with wonder or mystery or magic or any of that shit. It's all just boring. If I even give a half-ass attempt at something, I excel at it, and it's gotten to the point of total apathy. I hear or men who spend their entire lives trying to crack the secret of pleasuring women; well, I'm gay (more of a functional asexual these days, though) and one day in high school I got bored and figured that all out with a lesbian who had fallen in love with me. Everything is like that for me. That old adage about 10,000 hours to master something? Probably would only take me 100, though I've always gotten bored after reaching a position of reasonable skill after less than half that, so I quit and move onto something else. The entire world is so boring that I've tired of it. The problems of the world are really quite simple, even matters like hunger, disease, war, poverty, etc. Solving them is so simple a child could do it, modified of course by the fact that all of it is prevented merely by human stupidity. I've long since moved on to solving problems in fictional universes because there are more variables. I'm the kind of guy you might see writing long-winded proofs that pick apart mindfuck plots and find the reasoning that nobody else can. Nonetheless, I am even starting to tire of that. I won't even pretend to claim that I've accomplished anything of note. Oh sure, I got bored one year and wrote a full-length novel that I consider technically better than anything ever written… but then people don't read books because they're well-written; they read them because they're filled with their teenage fantasies about sparkling sex vampires and magic schools and other such insipid nonsense. Well-written books aren't popular and they don't make the writer money; they're what your teacher makes you read in high school. Beyond that, however? I just don't care. I care about as much at excelling in this boring, boring world as you would care about a fat, steaming dog turd on the sidewalk. It's there, it's ugly, it fucking stinks, but it's not very interesting. You do your best to avoid it because it's not your problem. It's just a pile of shit that isn't worth your time. I am tired of living among babies who can barely figure out how to wipe their own ass. I am tired of being surrounded by fools. I am tired of being treated like a fool by people who assume my own intelligence is as pitifully limited as their own. I am tired of being able to see how the entire universe works, how every problem can be solved, and yet comprehending how deeply my own apathy toward it all is. I am tired of not mattering in a universe that does not matter. The only thing that remains is wondering how much longer I can stand this exhausting boredom before I just pack up and leave. --- So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I'm posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.] Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it's not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them. THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH) They are the world's largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE. They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn't put them where they need to fucking go. So they don't have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn't just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it'll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it's basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. "If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators." No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job. They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it's so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) "Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!" Do not let that expression fool you, they just don't have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck. They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. "Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us." Yes, thank you. "But if they're so bad at literally everything, why haven't they gone extinct." Great question. BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT'S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that'll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it. --- Hey! I noticed you used an emoji. I don’t know if you’re new here, so I’ll let you off the hook this time. Using emojis is frowned upon here on this great site, and for good reason. Instagram normies often use them, and you don’t want to be a normie, do you? If I catch you using an emoji in the future, I’ll be forced to issue a downvote to your comment. Why should you care, you may ask? Well to begin, you will lose karma on your account, which is a useful social status tool and also a way to show others you know your way around Reddit. If you were to continue the use of emojis, I would be forced to privately message you about your slip-up. Any further offenses past that would leave me no other option than to report your account. I don’t think I have to explain why you don’t want that. But anyways, no harm done yet! Follow these simple rules and you’ll enjoy your future on Reddit! Have a blessed (and hopefully emoji-free) day, stranger. --- I noticed that you used “😭” in your comment. Just wanted to say, don’t give up anything in your life. I don’t know what you’re going through but I’m always here to help. --- Larry Tesler, inventor of the cut, copy, and paste commands, dies at 74